Thursday, February 21, 2013

11 Ways to Spot a Hasher in the Wild

1. Out for a Training Run- Look for that guy you see running every day with the beer belly that never shrinks.

In a Bar- Try to overhear a conversation between two people that sounds like your native tongue, but doesn't make any sense. For example, “Are you?” “On On.” “Did you catch a down down for short-cutting Wrect Him’s Eagle?” “Yeah, I shortcut like a wanker, missed the whichy-way, hit the false and snared the hare during a live lay.” “Hashit for sure.”

3. At the Grocery Store- Look for the shopping cart full of PBR 30 packs, 10lbs of flour, children’s sidewalk chalk, one bag of cheesy puffs, three bags of assorted Doritos, cookies and a handle of Jim Beam.

4. In the Fabric Store- Look for the girl holding eight different swathes of tulle and testing them for durability in the alphabetic beads aisle.

5. When your friend drags you to join his “running club”  and things like this happen:

6. Back at the Bar- Aim for the fit girl absolutely owning a handful of dudes during a beer chugging contest.

During a Marathon- Around Mile 21 follow the chalk arrows to the small cups of beer. Your targeted Hasher will be knocking back at least 8 of these, surrounded by her kennel.

8. On the Street- Listen for the person using the phrases “kennel” and “pack” in the same sentence, without any mention of dogs or wolves.

9. Among Acquaintances- It’s that friend of a friend who introduces himself as such: “Hey, nice to meet you I’m Asstitfu--Mike. I’m Mike.”

At the Running Store- Look for the girl trying to take the insert out of the shoes she just tried on; she’s not checking for a proper heel cradle, she’s making sure those new boots are a proper vessel.

In the Department Store- Look for the fellow shopping for women’s dresses. If he seems to lean towards the color red- he is most likely a Hasher. If they are any other color he might be a tranny (and that's OK).

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